The friendships we don't have

So much time and energy is put into finding a boyfriend/spouse/lover/husband/partner or whatever you may name it. There's plentiful dating apps/websites and even television shows all designed to help you meet your other half, that person you want to settle down and fall in love with.There are many, many ways to find that someone, but non of the above are in place to find a friend. 

No commonly used app or website to meet someone who is like minded, on the same wave length and shares similar interests. It has become known to myself and probably others that making friends and meeting new people is difficult. Where can you meet new people? How do you go about it?

Meeting new people (outside of social norms - work or study) is daunting and nerve racking. It’s often assumed by a certain age most people have a large circle of friends from school, college or university. Friends who know you well, speak with regularly and go to in a crisis. But what if you don’t have this?  

What if like myself you have gone through life and only met a few people who you feel you connect with and have managed to stay in touch with. We all know how hard it is staying connected with friends. People’s lives and priorities change and making time for new or current friends can take a back seat. Plus our personalities and expectations of friendships change over time and what we expected from a friend ten years ago maybe somewhat different today. You have to be willing to make the effort but also understand and acknowledge that not all friendships will last forever.

I have recently read many articles about the great female friendships (squads, tribes and ride or die's) many women have in their lives and they wasp on about learning so much from these individuals. It all makes me feel rather envious. Yes, I love and appreciate the few friends I have but I feel it’s always great to meet new people who bring something new to your life and help you grow and learn. However, by the time you reach thirty most people don’t need or have time for new friends. This is something I have experienced when meeting new people over the last few years. 

The Friendships we don’t have feels like a taboo subject. A topic that’s rarely discussed on social media and in women’s magazines.Yet the majority of other difficult subjects such as sex or money are discussed daily. 

It’s probably assumed that everyone is surrounded by an amazing group of supportive friends who enrich their lives and are there for them no matter what, therefore this subject is dismissed. However, a recent study found that a large percentage of the UK are lonely, so much so they’ve appointed a minister for loneliness to try and solve this growing issue among uk citizens. I am very interested to see what framework Tracey Crouch will put into practice to tackle this growing issue that effects about nine million UK people, both young and old.

These statistics prove that I’m not the only one without that large circle of friends, but admitting this is difficult. I’m not writing this for pity, I am writing this because this is an untouched subject that I have read very little about. Maybe people are afraid to admit this or possibly this can be a sad subject to talk about, but I feel the more this topic is addressed the more improvements are being made.

The small amount of articles and books I have read and listened to about this subject has been something I can definitely relate to. What I don’t come across often is useful advice on how to meet new people or make new friends whatever age. Articles I have read recommended joining a hobby group but again that can be daunting and unsuccessful. I’ve been to many gym classes and never  sparked up a conversation with anyone. Social media groups are also another suggested resource but does this have a certain stigma around it?

I often feel where you live and what stage of life you are at can effect friendships. Living in the city where there is a larger group of younger, socially active individuals could make it easier to meet people than say somewhere rural and quiet. Wherever you may live you have to build up the confidence and put yourselves out there. After all when trying to meet new people you have nothing to lose only something to gain.

In my wedding speech (curve-ball) I named my husband as my best friend. I’m sure this is common now but previous stereotypes would have it be that as a women your best friend would be a female. 

I am extremely proud of the friendship I have with my husband, we have been together for 12 years and it’s often known that when meeting young you can grow apart. I have been extremely lucky that we have grown together and we have positively impacted each other’s lives in many ways. We can discuss all topics and most importantly he makes me laugh. 

Lastly, he’s stood by me and supported me through the most toughest times. When life’s fallen apart around me he’s the friend who has picked me up and carried me on because that's what best friends do, male or female.